she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
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My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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