these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
