dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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