kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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