just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
