Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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