her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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