It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
