I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
