nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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