Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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