I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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