Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
