it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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