Cold hands, warm shart.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
