I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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