I want to have your abortion
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
