I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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