I CAN MOONWALK!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
