Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
