i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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