just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
