8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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