Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
