and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
