At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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