I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I deserve this hangover.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
