Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
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He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
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Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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