theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
last night I used snow as a chaser
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
