I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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