I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she smelled like a LAN party
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
