her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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