you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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