if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
