suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
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