Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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