The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
