mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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