I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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