remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize