u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
