Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
