I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
