no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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