Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is it because I queefed?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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