I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
