Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Randomize
