What did we do last night that was yellow?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize