i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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