I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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