The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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