hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
