Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
