Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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