There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
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Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize