but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
