I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just gargled with NyQuil
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
