The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
