I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
