and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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