UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
