yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize