I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize