Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
