Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
