this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
