He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
