i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
