I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
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You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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