You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
