Please, let me fuck your mom
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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