What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
do herpes really smell.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
