so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
